Skip to main content

Taimur Ali Khan's Job Application



December,2038

Waow sir/ma'am
My heartiest congratulations for the recent façade of a success of your recent Masala action scenes compilation. The success party even made to those paid prime time news. That’s really something. Obviously we live in the most progressive era where there are absolutely no issues to talk about. That reminds me though, the love story shoved in the film was a new touch. I think it was revolutionary. I watched the film with my mother and she threw up just before the interval. The movie was great!
I write this in regard to that much publicized elite advertisement which shows only in star kids' newspapers. TL;DR I could be your hero. *smirk*
As you must have noticed, I have already began appearing in my parents' press conferences for better limited exposure. Yes I am the Taimur Ali Khan. I am the royal blood and the only one of my name, the prince to the imaginary throne and salvation for entertainment journalists. The constant camera flashes and awww's and ooh's for the past twenty years have elevated my sense of self-importance and my alertness around lenses. But I do make a point to come out as a shy, humble and down to earth celebrity who doesn’t like attention, simultaneously making sure to give out ample sneak peaks to paparazzi. I am not active on any social networking sites. My mother tells me you do that only after you have cashed in all the hype.
I have done a few portfolio shoots. I have attached a few good pictures of mine(read six packs; two real, four Photoshopped), but I can carry any kind of look. Believe me, I’m the kid who pulled off a poopy pants look when I was 2 years old and I haven’t lost touch. I have attached recommendation letters from my past girlfriends along with their contact information for verification. My girlfriends have all been very high maintenance difficult-to-please women but I have impressed them all.
I have also attached a consent letter from AbRam Khan which states he has no issues with his name being floated as my closest buddy. He has consented for any sort of angle your creative slaves suggest. We are even comfortable with any gay rumours as well. You can even make a movie on the gay couple who were lynched recently. I am all for any cause as and when necessary. I can even be patriotic or a victim. We can even make this all a paid prime time news gig. Progressive times indeed!
Of course my parents will promote the movie for free, except for some gifts you can announce for them. Thus would give you liberty to spend almost nothing on production and everything on promotion. Actually we don’t want the debut to be any good, as the trends say good debuts lead to bad careers. We will buy a few awards later. We just want maximum exposure.
Oh this was supposed to be a cover letter. I think I am sharing too many ideas. But it has always been like this between us, hasn’t it?...
Aargghh, fuck it! Yeah, this is Saif. Just cast my son in a movie, dude. My mother-in-law is going crazy over this.

Waaoow.

Saif

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Citizenship Amendment Act: From the eyes of an atheist

Imagine a world where you get to enter Cafe Coffee Day only if you are a fan of Marvel comics. If you were into the Disney movies, you are welcome, even fondness for Japanese anime and K-Pop would do, but follow DC comics and you are not welcome. That is something on the lines of the recent Citizenship Amendment Act the Indian government just passed in both the houses of the Indian parliament. What it says, what it means... The Act says that certain refugees on the Indian soil belonging to certain beliefs and hailing from specific locations are welcome as citizens in the Indian republic but others are not. The Hindus, Buddhists, Sikhs, Christians, Jains, and Parsis specifically from Pakistan, Afghanistan and Bangladesh are welcome in India but not the same communities from Sri Lanka, Myanmar or China, and Muslims from absolutely nowhere. It is the first time when the Indian Parliamentarians openly told the world that you must believe in certain stories before you dream...

No Celebration For The Festival Of Democracy

The election fever is soaring in the country with no one but politicians and media people going crazy over the supposed festival of democracy. Though they always find a reason to bellow through microphones, the season of election gives them a particularly bizarre energy. The powerful become vulnerable and the forbidden questions resurface. For the past one month I am being bombarded with advertisements and promises of Utopian worlds and fears of broken ones. I get calls from Arvind Kejriwal himself telling me what my problems are; Narendra Modi hopefully looks at me with innocent eyes from every web-page that I open. Suddenly everyone is a well-wisher. As an example, someone allegedly(they told me) from Aam Aadmi Party called me to inform me about my name being struck off the electoral roll. Though I was skeptic from the beginning, I played along and asked what I should do. The person at the other end told me not to worry in a completely mechanical tone, as if he had said the s...

The Genius of Andhadhun: The Climax Explained

Andhadhun poster Halfway through watching Andhadhun on Netflix, I realized the characters have all got somewhat ironic arcs. One pretending to be blind actually becomes blind, someone who stole human organs asked to donate their organs, lady Macbeth reference, and many more that I missed. These ironic arcs make you a little skeptical about the plot of the film. It begins to feel like the story is a little too good to be true. With a number of lucky coincidences, heavenly influences and sudden changes of heart, Andhadhun feels more and more Bollywood . But then the movie does not drag for even a second; which, keeps you hooked. Considering that the same director, Sriram Raghavan, had earlier given us another gem called Badlapur , where all characters keep looking for closures and lead miserable lives, I decided the makers want me to be skeptical. After all, real lives are more like Badlapur and not like Andhadhun. And as the movie ends, Raghavan's intentions become clear. ...